“What am I doing wrong?”
It’s a question that pops into my head often as I spend my days raising babies. But the question really hits hard after my kids have spent time with their grandparents…without me.
It never fails, my kids come home from a day with the grandparents and bam! They walk through the door and…
They. Are. Terrors.
Meltdown after meltdown. Manners? What manners? Never heard of them, Mom? It’s as if the second they are in my presence, a switch flips. I cringe as I prepare for the report I know is coming…
“They were complete angles with us. We didn’t see any of these behaviors.”
So what am I doing wrong then? Why does being around me bring out the worst in my kids?
Now, I know that grandparent days are often filled with a lot of “yes” and hardly any “no.” As it should be. I want my kids to absolutely love their time with their grandparents. And I’m surely not complaining that they behaved excellently with them. I would be mortified with any less than a perfect report while I was away.
But, man, it hits a Mama’s self-esteem hard. So I can’t help but question what I must be doing wrong, if I can’t produce the same results.
But, you see, there’s also another angle to consider.
Possibly, Mama is the safe place to let it all hang out.
Possibly, Mama is the unconditional safety net where they feel completely safe to fall apart.
Possibly, they’ve given all they can possibly give proving you did, in fact, teach them a few manners along the way. So much so that they tried so hard showing those said taught manners while they were away, that they can’t possibly hold it all together a second longer.
Because, we are their safe space. We aretheir unconditional safety net.
There’s nothing they can do to earn more love from us, and there surely isn’t a thing they could do that could lose it either. It’s theirs for the taking. No matter what. No matter the meltdown, or the failed manners, or the tears.
So, maybe, just maybe, we aren’t doing anything wrong at all. Maybe, we’re simply doing everything right so that they feel 100% comfortable falling apart with us. Because they know we will love them through it.
And we will.
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